The Safest City in Texas

I entered the base only
three days ago.
The airport shuttle
and barbed wire fence
made me feel
like a prisoner;
although I wasn’t.
I was entering on my own
accord,
more like a patient
checking their self into therapy.

All around me
Military squadrons marched
to the beat of a silent drum
like trained animals
in a circus show,
each group following
the instructions of their master.
They’re not rewarded
with food
but rather a short trip
to the BX
or a fifteen minute
phone call to a loved one.

I often wonder if
I could handle this lifestyle
of restriction and hard beds
made perfectly at 4 AM.
My bed isn’t made and
I could never brave
the yelling.

But the tears you see now
are not of torment
as I watch the barbed wire
and Military police fade
into the distance.
I’m going to miss that cage
I was trapped in
for those three days.
The comfort of being able
to walk around without fear inside
this small town and
knowing my new
Airman will be safe
during my absence.

I’m only a regular
civilian though and so I must
return to the life I know
filled with unknown
threats where I count
on those caged animals
to protect me.

Work in Progress

I sit at my desk
tracing the fabricated wood grain
with my finger tip
while my computer sits open
with Notepad waiting,
longing for me to spill
my soul onto it.
I take a deep breath
and my fingers take their
familiar places on the keyboard.
As I press the keys down quickly
it sounds as though rain is
tapping at my window.
The light from my desk lamp
creates a glare on the screen
that makes it hard for me
to see what I’m typing.
But I know where my fingers
are landing and when I need
to hit backspace.
A letter, word,
paragraph at most.

If only life’s little mistakes
were so easy to fix.
Cut here and paste there.
Proofread and edit before completion.
Then I might feel more accomplished,
like a better person whose
only flaws are spending
too much money and
taking too many vacations.
But what makes a person without flaws?
Even the best art pieces
contain a few small imperfections.
Perfection to me
is mediocre for most.
And so I continue to type
as the light illuminating the screen
begins to strain my eyes.
I’ve come to realize
the joy in writing is not in the outcome
but the process in which you get there;
just as in life.

Paradise Found

In a world consumed by technology
I find it nice to escape
to my personal paradise.

I lay my blanket down
next to the water and watch
the world pass by.

The minnows create ripples
as they bite at bugs on the surface.
Butterflies chase each other
like children on a playground.
The squirrels jump
from branch to branch
and it’s the only noise
that disrupts the natural silence.

I spot a caterpillar
who has wandered onto my blanket.
He inches along back into
the world he is used to.
A world of forests made of
grass and leaves.
He struggles to get over
twigs that block his path.

Watching him,
I think about my own life.
What seems like a major problem
is really only a road block.
A small detour
and I’m on my way again.

As afternoon turns to evening
and the sun begins to set,
the cool breeze reminds me
that I need to get back
to the city.
To return to the world
full of cell phones and computers
which surround my daily life.

What makes a poet?

They told me I couldn't write

that my words mean nothing.

But I gravitate to my pen anyway.

I have to put my thoughts on paper

whether or not I'm understood.

I don't write for me.

it's you that makes me write.

Your pain and fear,

the way she tears you down

and I only seem to add fuel to the fire.

I pull you one way

while she stretches you the other.

I can't come between this bond

and it rips at my core.

Why would I write this?

Poems are supposed to be

precise, not vague.

Where's the story line

and iambic pentameter?

Maybe I'm no poet after all.

Wordle Picture

So I made this today in class to reflect on the poem Apology Note. I think it looks pretty cool actually!

My Ode To You

Took awhile to put this one together but I think it came out pretty well. I'll see if you can figure out the pattern.. :)

Lonely was the song I sang until the day you came
Showing me another way and all that my love can bring
And I don’t know how you do it,
But I love the way I lose it every time

It felt so good those times you had.
That feeling of wanting somebody so bad
But I carry my smile when I’m broken in two
And I’m nobody without someone like you

‘Cause you wear your smile like a summer sky
Just shining down on me and you
And all I wanna do is let it be and be with you
And watch the wind blow by

So far away from where you are,
These miles have torn us worlds apart
There are so many things I’d say
If only I were able,
But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by

The flashing of the lights, it might feel so good,
But I got you stuck on my mind
And while the stars lean down to kiss you,
I lie awake and miss you
My body’s feeling paralyzed
And I can’t remember when I didn’t live through this disguise

But if I had you
That would be the only thing I’d ever need
And I know it makes no sense but what else can I do?
How can I move on when I’m still in love with you?

Raining

I wrote this in like half an hour. Probably not my best work but I still like it.

It's raining again

Raining as it has for days now

Drops of rain streaming down my windowpane

mimic the tears that pull dark makeup down my face

Colors that I've reapplied throughout the day

mix and drop onto my pillow

Creating a wet spot

where your head should be

Next to mine

But you're gone

Out of my life without a single tear shed.

It's okay, I've done enough for both of us

Someday the wells will run dry

and I'll be able to stop thinking

Stop wondering what you're doing

or if I ever cross your mind

Caught off guard by the song on the radio

that makes you think of me

And maybe one day you'll let that one tear fall

and I'll feel comforted

Knowing I meant a little

That I touched your life

and you regret losing me

as much as I hated to watch you go.

Porcelain Doll

You gaze into her eyes and her soul pours out to you
Though she’s broken into pieces
Shattered like porcelain on the cement
So small they are impossible to put back together
You pick them up one by one
Until your knees are bleeding and eyes are strained
She sits and waits closed off to the world
A wall so thick it is impossible to get through
You try with all your energy
To piece her back together
To make her whole
To get her to understand what you can give to her
Her soft face bears a sadness you’ve never seen before
As much as you try
She only grows weaker, dying inside
Pulled in opposite directions
Does she give in and trust, let herself go
Or does she stay hidden to protect herself
Refusing to let anyone try to heal her
In the privacy of her own room
Where no one else can witness
She lets the tears roll down her face
Falling onto pictures spread over her bed
Faces of those who have loved and let her go
Smiles of guys who hurt her
Eyes that have blazed with fire because of her
Each one a brick in the wall that surrounds her
Never to let anyone in again
Only the one who will rebuild her into the girl she used to be
You spill your heart out to her
In hopes that she will let you in
Allow you to be the prince she’s always wanted, always needed
The man who will protect her from her fears
Who won’t criticize
Tear her down to her most vulnerable
And leave her stranded with nowhere to go
When you prove that to her
Someday she will again spill her soul out to you
Not only through her eyes this time
But through her heartfelt words
That she’ll finally be able to share.

Heartbreak Flies *unfinished*

She sits on the plane

surrounded by strangers on all sides

"We've been delayed another fifteen"

the pilot says confident

as his voice echoes throughout

Time check

How will I make my connection?

We get in ten minutes after it leaves

and within her confined space

she tastes salt on her lips

as she realizes she's crying

The plane finally starts moving

while she peers into her mirror

to realize her makeup lied.

Not so waterproof after all.

She pulls her sunglasses down

to cover the blackness of her eyes.

Two hours will not go by fast enough.

All she wants to do is get

away from the eighty people around her

unknowing of the pain she feels.

It's been a year

since she last saw his face.

Another day to wait.

The tears begin again.

She wipes the water with her shirt sleeve.

My Guide

My feelings for you are pure

like a fresh blanket of snow

over the rolling hills I wander

You lead me through the cold

by creasing the snow with deer tracks

If I may veer off course

I'll look into the sky

and fate will guide me

'cause I know you're looking

at the same stars that light my path

I can hear you singing to me

as the wind blows by

and it warms my soul

to know that I'll soon be by your side.

Apology Note

I’m sorry

To you I am sorry for the pain I have caused
Those teenage years that brought out my rebellious stage
For moving away when you only wanted me close
The long talks on the phone full of tears and regrets
When I’m not there and you need me the most
Spending the money you need for yourself
You raised me
You nurtured me
You cared the most
But all I have now is this apology note.

I’m sorry

To you I am sorry for the time that I wasted
Lunch dates and late night girl talks
Fights that could have been averted
Through boyfriends come and gone
Makeup, clothes, dancing around
Doing each other’s hair
Telling secrets behind the bleachers
Sharing all my fears
I leave you this apology with tears.

I’m sorry

To you I am sorry for the mistakes I made
Testing the boundaries
Crossing some lines
Taking advantage of your genuine heart
Keeping you all to myself
Smothering you until you cannot breath
Keeping you up with my problems and drama
Hoping you can solve everything
You helped me as much as you could
I only ask you for more
But you have nothing more to give
Accept my apology, help me to live.

I’m sorry

To you I am sorry for the suffering and tears
The stress that keeps you up all night
The pain that fills your heart
Keeping you from the happiness around you
Locking everything up
Never opening up and letting it go
Hiding behind the façade that you force
Wanting everyone to see that you’re perfect
They can’t see who you really are
Fearing what you want the most
Falling further behind
Can’t find what you want
To you, I apologize the most

I’m sorry

For the things I can’t take back
The future problems to arise
Forgotten days
Truths turned to lies
Fights and tears
Through it all, life moves on
People come and go
But the journey continues
I share with you my apology
All I have left to say is..

I’m sorry

Swan